pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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