My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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