You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
