So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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