I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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