Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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