saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
