I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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