There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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