Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
