I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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