when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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