I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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