just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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