ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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