Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
