I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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