At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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