If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
