So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize