I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
