I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize