even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We were destined to go to rehab together
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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