It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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