u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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