I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
