Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
