Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
