yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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