i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
