I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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