shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
