There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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