My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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