High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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