Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
