Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
