Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize