I'm really into asian looking animals
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
