You can't motorboat a personality
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
