I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
