tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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