Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
