I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
