He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
