My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
