Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
