So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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