So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
