I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
