just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize