at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
