it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
