did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
