Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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