you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize