YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize