Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
