It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
