I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
