a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
