i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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