oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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