Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize