Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
