im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
