I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize