Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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