dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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