She is in my trunk
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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